KISS: Rare Footage from The Stone Pony on YouTube!

I'm super excited for the new KISS album that's slated to be released later this year. The album is a throwback to the hardest rocking KISS albums of the '70s. The band has even gone to the length of hiring Michael Doret, the artist responsible for the iconic Rock and Roll Over album cover. If that news doesn't make your demon blood pump insanely fast then you are NOT a member of the KISS Army!

The Sexy Armpit will now take you back to April 14th, 1990 courtesy of RustyBlade69, the awesome person who posted this super rare KISS footage on YouTube. These 2 performances are from the Hot in the Shade Tour which made its second stop at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park, NJ! At this show, KISS performed "Betrayed," a track written by Gene and Tommy that has rarely (if ever) been performed since. The audience at The Pony that night were treated to an intimate KISS show full of classic KISS songs, and unknowingly Eric Carr's last tour. Eric Carr will always be my favorite drummer and one of the best of all time. I'm thankful that concert footage like this will always be available so I can experience his thunderous drumming at my whim.

Watch these videos because it's doubtful KISS will play The Stone Pony ever again, unless they are on the "We're really serious about retiring because Gene's got dentures and Paul's still fluffing his hair while riding around the stage in a motorized cart Tour." It's a mouthful, but bet your ass it will sell out.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 9: Bikinis or Wife Beaters?

Male Sexy Armpit readers will most likely cast their vote for BIKINIS, but don't count Wife Beaters out so quickly in this match up. Sure it's a nice visual to think about a blazing hot day at the Jersey shore watching a smoking hot Jersey girl make her way out of the crystal blue water, OK maybe not so much crystal blue as it is murky green, but you catch my drift. Of course it's not like watching Ursula Andress slither out of the water in Dr. No, but it's the closest we come to that kind of sex appeal here in a state blanketed with toxic waste. It's a miracle all the girls at the shore aren't popping out of the water looking like mutated 3-eyed zombies. Perhaps it's the fact that we have some decent women in this state that they're all so proud of themselves that they're "Jersey girls?" Instead of bragging about being Jersey girls why don't they just say "Yay! we're not mutants!" that's what the t-shirts should be saying.

Without hesitation the choice between Bikinis and Wife Beaters would be a no brainer, but once you disassociate the wife beater from the greasy fat guy on the couch eating chicken, then we have ourselves a contest. Believe it or not, the Guinea Tee or A-Shirt as it's known, can also look good on a woman! No shit you say? Just erase all the bad memories of hairy backed slimeballs who have given these useless styled undershirts a bad name. Hell, they gave these shirts such a bad name that their inclination for domestic abuse snowballed into becoming a widely accepted nickname for the shirts. So before you completely lose all hope for the regulation jersey for men who beat their wives, think about the lovely, doting wife with big boobs posing ever so innocently in a semi-see-through wife beater for their cold, uncaring husband. Her headlights are on and all they want is some attention, can't we just give them that? Ahh, Who the f--k am I kidding? BIKINIS!!!

This week, the fine T-shirts pictured above are available through BurnTees.com where they offer all kinds of funny and sarcastic New Jersey themed shirts in addition to a host of others. Check them out!

Blue Milk & The Technicolor Twilight Zone

I'm a big supporter of writers and journalism in general but the article pictured above from the April 2009 issue of Family Fun Magazine is pretty damn awful. Absurd as a matter of fact. Linda Ann Daffron from Ramsey, NJ offers a "magical" prank for the kids in the family to try, most likely on one of their parents, (whichever one ISN'T reading the article and explaining to them how to pull it off). Here's the short version of the directions 1) Get a cereal bowl and squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the bowl (blue food coloring pictured) 2) Pour dry cereal into the bowl and then once the unsuspecting schmuck pours milk into the cereal bowl they'll have a bowl full of blue milk to surprise them. Is putting food coloring in a cereal bowl really that big of a trick, oh wait sorry, a "deliciously deceptive ruse?" Family Fun Magazine clearly thinks it is.

Here's how the prank may unfold: "OH MY GOD! MY EFFING MILK IS BLUE!!! I feel totally PUNKED right now! I hope you didn't videotape my reaction because I would've literally gone into massive seizures." Will the family member really think they entered a "Technicolor Twilight Zone?" Wow, I want to enter that zone in a bad way. I thought I actually was there for a short period of time back in the mid '90s when every stoner was trying their best to bring back tie-dye shirts. Just a hunch, but whoever wrote this one up must not be at all familiar with Boo Berry (it's only existed for over 35 years), and it's also safe to assume they missed the boat on Superman Crunch. These two offerings are examples of cereals that turn your milk blue without the assistance of food coloring. It's a much easier world we live in, one where we don't need no stinkin' food coloring to turn our milk blue.

C'mon Linda, give me a break, you couldn't do any better than that? Are you even a real person? Writers occasionally like to make up names and places in order to give the impression of realism. After you read the article it seems as if FAMILY FUN is getting a half ton of reader mail (or a kajillion as I've been referring to it as lately). People must be clamoring like maniacs to throw in their two cents on what wacky prank should be spotlighted next month. I actually feel bad ripping the mag, but can they really expect us to believe that parents and other fully grown human beings aren't aware of the basic concept of food coloring? It's not like 3 year old Tyler is going to be skimming microfiche machines for old periodicals that may help him cook up his next whimsical caper.

And as for our New Jersey friend Linda, stop trying to reinvent the wheel OK? Next thing you know you'll be telling us we could use food coloring to dye Easter eggs, now that would just be a downright insult because we all know that's utterly impossible. Are the folks in Ramsey, NJ not being kept busy enough in their lives that they have time to send in these radtacular ideas? I hope to Zod that Linda doesn't go around to her weekly social gatherings spewing out little tricks for the kids to do. I got news for you Linda, you're making people's lives completely miserable. Oh, you know I'm just kidding with you Lind, you're awesome...you just have too much damn time on your hands.

A Closer Look:

As you can see, the wacky multicolored font used in the word PRANKS, and the white "A" and exclamation mark, seem to signify that things are a little off kilter. There's that little rambunctious kid in the circle (possibly a neighbor who we think has no family), not sure if its a boy or a girl, but does it really matter? Whatever their sex is, they are clearly rascally and live for getting into trouble and hijinks (one can assume this thanks to the obligatory head nod/eye wink combo...believe me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of one of these or you may have flashbacks to films like Problem Child or Home Alone). Even "Gotcha!" is spelled out as if the wicked head nod/eye wink combo didn't overly explain that one enough. On a completely unrelated note, why did they decide that the traditionally white speech balloon should now be orange? Is it just because they're all about color coordination with silly Billy's polo shirt he's rocking? Maybe that was a prank too! Uh-oh, here comes Linda with her good ol' Photoshop pranks! Prank #1: How to turn your speech bubble ORANGE!

To all the dairy companies out there: End this Magic Milk Bowl bullshit once and for all. Skip the middle man (food coloring) and finally market Blue Milk or Blue Skim Milk (for those of us in Jedi training). It seems like a no brainer to me. Hey George Lucas, could you pass up a mutually beneficial partnership with a dairy company to sell a nutritious drink for all us Star Wars nerds to gulp down? Tuscan Dairy, and Parmalat are you listening?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 8: I Love D'Jais

Not even McCarren International Airport in Las Vegas is exempt from having a real live, genuine New Jersey guido leave his mark there. And not even the NJ guido in his "plane clothes" can escape from having his picture snapped by The Sexy Armpit.

There's nothing worse than waiting endless hours in the airport seating area for your flight to board. You could imagine my wide-eyed amazement when I looked directly in front of me and saw a guido wearing a shirt that he could get away with wearing only in Belmar, NJ OR 2,000 miles away from NJ. This guy's shirt had "I (heart) D'Jais" printed on it. Trust me, my Corey Feldman Center for the Arts T-Shirt is radically more publicly acceptable than this. He may as well have been wearing a shirt that said "I'm a huge guido," because that's exactly what that shirt translates to.

It was like a National Geographic episode where we have a bird's eye view of the guido secreting his cologne/B.O stench and talking obnoxiously on his cell phone. It was a rare occasion to have such a photo op since the guido's blown out hair was concealed by a hat, he wasn't wearing tight black pants, and there was also the absence of a tight, shiny, purple button down shirt. The tan was still prevalent which is indicated by the blatant gun show that he's putting on for the poor disinterested folks waiting for their flight.

Right now, most of you not from New Jersey are saying what the hell is D'Jais? Well, in short, it's the guido capital of the entire universe. If space aliens were to tune in their "guidar," a HUGE blip would appear blinking incessantly like a strobe light at D'Jais in Belmar, NJ. You can tell by their websites ridiculously loud thumping beats that dudes go there to dance like idiots and sweat like maniacs. The guys that go there are so cool Richard Grieco couldn't even touch them.

No self respecting human being should step off the airplane with an "I Love D'Jais" shirt. What's crazy is that this guy was parading around Las Vegas with this shirt on, proud as a peacock. Of course, as soon as that thought crossed my mind, we hopped on the plane and noticed him slip an Ed Hardy shirt over this one. I guess he didn't heart D'Jais that much.

Sandra Dee is June's Garden State Playmate

We're officially in the midst of summer so I've chosen a girl who exudes the qualities of the season. This month, I've named the original Gidget, Sandra Dee, as June's GSP! I guess I never told you the little loophole I have in the Garden State Playmate stipulations: I never said they had to be living!!!

Before she became a pop culture icon, Sandra Dee was born Alexandra Cymboliak Zuck in Bayonne NJ. As a child, Dee began modeling and appearing in commercials, and in the late '50s she became a household name thanks to starring in movies like Gidget, A Summer Place, and Imitation of Life.

Dee was married to singer/actor Bobby Darin from 1960 - 1967. They wed in a spur of the moment ceremony at the home of music mogul Don Kirshner in Elizabeth NJ. In Beyond the Sea, Kevin Spacey's 2004 biographical film about Bobby Darin, Dee is portrayed by Kate Bosworth.

To many younger folks, Dee's perhaps best known for the song named after her in the stage production and film Grease. In the film, Betty Rizzo (Stockard Channing) choreographs a whole performance of "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee," for her friends at a slumber party, only to have the unassuming Sandy (Olivia Newton John) walk in to see them making fun of her prude behavior.

In a very different role, Dee starred in The Dunwich Horror based on an H.P Lovecraft story. For more, there's a phenomenal write up on the film at Teleport City!

The Perfect Age of Rock and Roll Review

"Nobody Leaves This Place Without Singing The Blues."

- Albert Collins, Adventures in Babysitting

This isn' the f--king Partridge Family. That's what crossed my mind as the screen was ignited by The Perfect Age of Rock and Roll, the next classic rock and roll road film and winner of Outstanding Achievement in Filmmaking at the 2009 Newport Beach Film Festival. I was honored to have been present at a private screening of the film where I sat with the director and writer Scott Rosenbaum, producer Joseph White, and cast members including blues legends Hubert Sumlin and Sugar Blue. Their presence made the night unforgettable as the film affirms that rock and roll is merely the bastard child of the blues.

It's the early '90s and Spyder is the lead singer of The Lost Soulz, a mega famous rock band. Their first album was made up of songs Spyder stole from his best friend Eric who he left in the dust and moved out to L.A in search of fame. Without his songs, the second Soulz album tanked. The bands 15 minutes has almost ran out, but they have one last chance to redeem themselves. Oh, but there's one thing, Lando Calrissian is their record producer! "How you doing, you old pirate? This contract is getting worse all the time!" OK, so, Billy Dee's not actually Lando, he's Ace Millstone and he's not messing around. He wants the third Soulz record completed on time or they'll be dropped from the label and vanish into obscurity. They can sure as hell forget being inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, although they probably wouldn't be eligible anyway since they stole all their hits songs. Sucks for them, that's some predicament.

Forcing legs into leather pants can usually be quite a challenge, but Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead, TransAmerica) slips into Spyder's pair with remarkable ease. In a moment of desperation, Spyder, a Gerard Way looking dude with more mental issues than Brian Wilson watching Donnie Darko, sucks up his pride and flies back home to Long Island to visit his eternal best friend and former band mate, Eric. Son of a legendary deceased rocker, Eric is a shabby music teacher played by Jason Ritter (Freddy vs. Jason, W.). Spyder proposes that Eric join the band as their guitarist and they put the misty mountain of songs that he's written to good use. After the hard sell, Eric reluctantly accepts under one condition, they drive cross country back to L.A while getting their kicks on the legendary Route 66.

Since Eric's dream of touring the country and experiencing the rock and roll lifestyle was ripped away from him, he's making this chance count. We're invited along for the ride in a tin lizzie of a tour bus, which is one step above the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. As the Soulz pass through the states rolling down the highway, they encounter sex, drugs, booze, and even a lesson in the blues from Sugar Blue and Hubert Sumlin.

If you're planning on taking the whole band cross country, Peter Fonda is YOUR bus driver! In an amalgamation of many of his classic roles, Fonda's Auggie West acts as a mentor to The Lost Soulz. Auggie's been down this road before and attempts to steer Eric and Spyder clear of drugs and band breakups. Fonda's comedic ability is impressive as a timeworn hippie stoner attempting to nurture a new generation of counterculture. While navigating Route 66, Auggie frequently displayed his world of musical knowledge by challenging the band and their manager Rose (Taryn Manning), to "name that tune." It was goofy fun, but also his inherit shot at enriching the band's musical prowess.

To illustrate the erratic Axl/Slash relationship between Spyder and Eric, Rosenbaum intertwines classic rock songs with striking visuals. The Lost Soulz tracks were created for the film by members of The New York Dolls and composer Andrew Hollander. Zegers and Ritter actually sing on these tracks. In addition to classic rock songs, you'll hear old blues classics that have later been covered by modern bands. The filmmakers captured several intense scenes depicting the temptation, allure, and consequences of the rock and roll lifestyle which are accentuated through vivid camerawork, sharp editing, and the carefully chosen soundtrack. Rock films often succumb to looking awash in colored filters, fuzzy effects, and nausea inducing jump cuts, but thankfully, this is not one of them.

The musically adept cast bring the scenes to life like they're strumming a Strat. Taryn Manning (Crossroads, 8 Mile) is the Soulz manager Rose, and Lukas Haas (Lady in White, Mars Attacks) stars as Clifton, a writer for Revolver magazine. Manning is in a band called Boomkat and has starred in Butch Walker's "The Weight of Her" video, while Haas has appeared in music videos by My Chem and Death Cab, and also plays drums in a band called The Rogues. The onscreen rhythm section of The Lost Soulz consists of bassist Bixx played by Jasin Cadic, co-writer of the screenplay, Edison NJ native, and musician in the band Handful of Dust. Drummer Bonzo, is actually Marty E. of The Dirty Pearls, the reigning kings of NYC's rock scene. Director Scott Rosenbaum, also a drummer, told me about Marty's key role in the film, "There is nothing worse than a movie performance of a band where the actors can't hold their instruments and the drummer looks like he's mixing a cake. It's obvious and it sucks. Marty kicked ass."

Being a New Jersey aficionado, I was thrilled to discover that many scenes in P.A.R.R were filmed here. The production company set up their H.Q in Rahway and used several locations around the state including Burlington County, Marlboro, Montclair, Newark, Westfield, and Cadic's Grandmother's house in Edison. "Montgomery Township was awesome to us! The mayor even came down to the set!" said Producer Joseph White. The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville and The Colorado Cafe in Watchung also served as backdrops for Soulz concert scenes.

P.A.R.R is the inspiration of its writer and director Scott Rosenbaum. He's crafted an intrepid film that, as of press time, is seeking a distributor. Producer Joseph White indicated that the distributor "should care as much about rock and roll and the blues as we do." It's clear that the filmmakers are music buffs thanks to various references strategically planted in the film like hidden Mickeys at Disney World. Even the title of the film alludes to the "27 club," a list of musicians who died at 27. The closing credits feature vintage clips of some of its members like Morrison, Joplin, and Cobain.

The film left me with the impression that our video game culture controlled by plastic wireless instruments is in dire need to be versed in the feelings that incited musicians to create Rock and Roll in the first place. If you've ever stood in front of a Marshall stack and "let the sound take you away" or "played until your fingers bled," then this movie was made for you.

Music from Nirvana, Bob Dylan, Alice in Chains, Jane's Addiction, Iggy & The Stooges, and more. For more, visit: www.ThePerfectAgeofRockNRoll.com

Jay Amabile, www.TheSexyArmpit.com

Asbury Park: Butch Walker's "Here Comes The..." Video

It feels pretty awesome that Butch Walker chose the legendary Asbury Park, NJ as the locale to film his most recent video for "Here Comes The..." "It's pretty fun and we shot it in Asbury Park, NJ, which is the coolest little city I've seen in quite some time..." said Butch in one of his latest blog posts.

"You sunk my battleship!" That's what the mannequin said after her human boyfriend beat her at the game, or at least that's what he imagined she'd said. No, this is not Lars and the Real Girl, this is Butch's music video about a guy who copes with his girlfriend leaving him by hooking up with a mannequin wearing his ex-girlfriend's dress. They do all the silly relationship stuff like take pictures in the park, sip Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, and fall asleep on the couch.

Pink assists with vocals on the track from Walker's latest album Sycamore Meadows, which has proved to be one of the most successful singles of his solo career thus far. Butch has reached heights on his own that bands can't even do with a full staff of PR people and record execs behind them. It wouldn't matter if Pink sang backup vocals on this track or not because the song is so well written and enjoyable to listen to. In any normal musical climate this song is a mega hit just like the majority of Walker's other music.

The New Jersey backdrop is a bonus but the video is truly imaginative, and tells a story. All of Butch's videos have been entertaining and a throwback for me. They remind me of videos that I would've seen on MTV countdowns when I was a kid, and NONE of his videos had heavy cable TV airplay. "Here Comes The..." fits nicely in line with the videos for "Bethamphetamine" starring Avril Lavigne and "The Weight of Her" starring Taryn Manning. Check them out and stop by Butch's website to see all the stuff he has going on: www.butchwalker.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 7: Artist Tom Krohne

I've been going on the internet for over 15 years and I'm still totally amazed at the stuff I come across. You never know what kind of results a Google search will deliver to you, but if you use the right terms you'll surely find stuff you didn't even know you were looking for. A prime example is how I found Tom Krohne, a freelance illustrator who's got a boner for horror movies and monsters of pop culture!

Krohne's T-shirts: Jersey Devil X-ing and The Jersey Devil: Terrorizing NJ since 1735

While doing routine research for my weekly T-Shirt column, I found that Cafe Press appeared in many results for New Jersey related T-Shirts. I must admit that, in a way, I was sort of disappointed. I'm always hoping to find some mind blowing piece of news like Perez Hilton wiped his bloody face with a New Jersey T-Shirt right after he experienced will.i.am's right hook. I'd consider that to be quite a showing for NJ T-Shirt Tuesday. But sometimes I can settle for more subtle triumphs, like finding a superior artist such as Tom Krohne. His Cafe Press store not only features Jersey Devil T-Shirts, hats, and hoodies, but also breakfast cereal monsters and other oddities that are worth checking out.

Jersey Devil with State Backdrop and the metalicious "1909 Outta The Pines Tour"

Usually it's a crap shoot with Cafe Press. Finding a storefront that features a slew of imaginative and cool looking designs is a rarity. Too many of the stores feature products with one boring logo. I'm not out to disrespect any of the hard work that goes into the various Cafe Press stores, but I will say that when you come across a store like Tom Krohne's, it makes the others pale in comparison.

Tom Krohne's Cafe Press store is located here!

Tom Krohne's blog is located here!

Back Off Man, I'm From New Jersey!

Aside from having tons of rain here in the toxic waste capital of the world, it turned out to be a momentous week since we saw the release of Ghostbusters: The Video Game and the original film on Blu-Ray.

I had a feeling that GB on Blu-Ray wasn't too much different from the previous DVD releases, but it didn't stop me from ripping open the cellophane on both of these suckers. Straight into the PS3 the game disc went. The video game took what felt like 70 minutes to process its initial 4 GB load, so I entertained myself by actually reading the booklet that was inside the game case. Once I thumbed through the first few pages, I noticed New Jersey reference #1 right here:

As Ray Stantz began to teach me the art of "ghost wrangling," I hit the ground running. I'd say I'm not bad at throwing a proton stream, but I still need more practice. It would be a stretch to say that I was as quick a learner as Winston Zeddemore, but I am NO Louis Tully and let's leave it at that. The rest of the Ghostbusters crew talked to me after I captured a few ghosts in the sub-basement of the firehouse, and that's when it happened! New Jersey reference #2! It seemed to good to be true, so I captured it on video so you would all have no choice but to believe me:

What's with the connection between Ghostbusters and New Jersey? Here are some links to my previous posts regarding The Ghostbusters and New Jersey phenomenon:

RGB: The NJ Parallellogram

RGB: Real Ghostbustin' in Bayonne

EGB: The Jersey Devil Made Me Do It

GB: Paramus Mentioned on Venkman's World of the Psychic

Janine, She's My Queen (rated R)

The Sexy Armpit's Guide to Becoming an Official Ghostbuster!

Jay and Silent Bob in Scream 3

Movie sequels arouse heated debates, especially when their reason for existing is questionable. Back in '96, Scream took horror to another level, but its two sequels brought it right back down to its previous depths. I wanted desperately to LOVE Scream's sequels but they were uninteresting and quite frankly, Neve Campbell's character, Sidney Prescott, bored the shit out of me. The genius behind the original film was the innovative characterization and chemistry between Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard.

The opening of Scream 3 brings us onto the set of the movie within a movie, STAB, based on the killings that occurred in the original film. In an extremely random cameo, Jersey icons Jay and Silent Bob are seen taking a tour of the studio. (They may as well have been opening up a window while one of the actors scales a building with a rope.) Jay sees news woman Gale Weathers and mistakes her for Connie Chung and says "Oh Shit Silent Bob, it's that TV news chick Connie Fucking Chung! Hey Connie, how's Maury?" Silent Bob just waves with a super goofy smile on his face while Weathers (Courtney Cox) gives them the finger. It was actually one of the finer, more amusing moments in the film.

Considering the awful hairstyle they gave Courtney Cox in the film, the duo's mistake wasn't too far off base. It clearly would've been funnier if they said "hey it's that TV news chick who's married to the former host of A Current Affair," now that's comedy.