OMG! This is the watercooler blog of the century!

One of the most overused phrases in the media in the past year or so has been "Watercooler." At one time it actually meant what it said. It was water stored in a cooler so people didn't have to be hot and thirsty. Then it took on a whole new definition because apparently the idea was that people gathered around a watercooler at their respective jobs and talked with their co-workers about what happened on TV last night. I've never experienced a moment in my life where I talked about a pertinent topic with someone by a watercooler. Maybe I just haven't lived yet.

Now the trendy journalists, bloggers, and other hip writers who brought you ....uber cool, fashionista, and of course multi-culti have now shortened "It was the talk around the watercooler this morning..." to "It was a watercooler performance." Shut the F up. I'm sick of this. Although I'm a guy who enjoys silly puns and wordplay, I can't stand it when a group of journalists adopts a phrase or word that just sounds stupid. Just because I think laptops are really cool doesn't mean I'm going to start writing in my blogs that "Jordin Sparks performance last night was soo laptop." It sounds like something from Mad Libs. Give me a break. Maybe if more writers came up with original sayings or catchphrases they would stick. No one in real life actually uses the "watercooler" terminology, it's merely for writers. A writer can easily express that a performance or show has created a buzz, oh no...there's another one: buzzworthy. yeecchhh. On the other hand, a word like metrosexual has stuck most likely NOT because it's a cool word but it is a term to describe something that we didn't really have a term for in our vernacular without calling a guy gay, queer, or feminine, which are obviously both derogatory. Now we can describe more accurately what a guy is when he is trendy, perfectly manicured, and has a man purse.

Another one that has bothered me for years is labelling every group of TV or movie characters with more than 3 people who drive around solving a crime or a murder or kill vampires as "The Scooby Gang." I would rather have a giant man-eating cobra swallow me whole than to still have to read writers using this as an adjective to describe the crew from The Blair Witch project, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, among others.

One of the culprits is Entertainment Weekly. It's a magazine I've read since I was literally 9 or 10 years old and I've only noticed this uber cool terminology within the past several years. It definitely bothers me. Even though I admit to getting my jollies from creating stupid catchphrases and new combo words, It's rare that I would push them off on others unless I truly believed that some other people might a) enjoy them in the way that I do b) actually start using them c) simply think they sound funny. The stuff these folks are coming up with are plain stupid sometimes and it's a stretch to think that even with a gigundo sized readership not everyone is going to appreciate or even understand some of these ultra hip words. Are they shooting for the other wannabes who are going to actually start saying "Blake was sooo laptop" last night. What are they thinking?

Memorial Day Recap

Many of you had big plans for Memorial Day weekend. I know alot of you were getting obliterated, barbecuing, and socializing. My weekend didn't involve any of that but I'll run down some of the high points for you.

I've been waiting in great anticipation for Thursday at 8:00 pm to go to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I was so excited for it that I had my advance tickets on Tuesday! I headed over to the AMC theater in New Brunswick without even eating dinner. I was too pumped. I could care less about bad reviews or box office take, this movie was awesome. Some say it's too long or too confusing but if you're a fan of the series and you love the characters then you will be treated to an exciting, epic adventure.

Saturday I had a beer with a friend at Hooters of Union, N.J. and then watched the Spurs game.

Sunday was a trip down to Atlantic City to see Gwen Stefani at the Borgata. Just as we were approaching the end of the A.C expressway there was a 10-car accident that was blocking all of the lanes. I wasn't about to sit and wait three hours for the cops and the ambulances to come and get it squared away. Some of the crafty drivers who were stopped in traffic realized that they could creep through a tight spot on the right shoulder and pass through the mess. Only five or six cars were brave enough to sneak through and I was one of them. Shit, Gwen Stefani was only a mile away!

I was hungry as hell and I knew that they opened a Fatbuger at the downstairs food court at the Borgata. I never tasted a Fatbuger before and I was curious to see what all the hype was about. Eve since I was 6 years old I wondered what the Beastie Boys were referring to in their song "The New Style," and now I know. I ordered the original Fatburger (w/no onions) with Fries and a Coke which is the way a burger should be served! It was definitely a "tasty burger" as Jules said in Pulp Fiction but it wasn't too different than a burger from Johnny Rockets. It was definitely enjoyable though.

Before heading to the event center for the show I made a stop at one of the Borgata's luxurious bathrooms. If you ever have to take a trip to the bathroom and you are like me and you hate shitting in a public restroom - the BORGATA is the place to do it. The best part is that there are literally 30 urinals and like 20 stalls. This isn't normal by any means. With the amount of bathrooms in the place I don't think any one bathroom would ever be filled to the max. That means a helluva lot of people need to shit at the same time, that would be uncanny. This is a bathroom sent from Heaven. This is most likely the way the public restrooms are up there after you enter the gates and you have to pee really bad you make a right and there you are at the Borgata bathroom. Who would've thunk that a bathroom in New Jersey would be so awesome!

I spent some time at the TOP GUN SLOT MACHINE! While this may not be as cool as the Star Wars slots it's a very close second. The seat your in vibrates and makes noise while the F-14 does a fly-by onscreen. The bonus game is pretty cool because it lets you attempt to fly into the
bonus number you would like. The only downside is that it plays a cheesy cover version of "Danger Zone" instead of the original by Kenny Loggins.

Gwen Stefani put on a fantastic show as usual. The wait time and standing through the horrid Lady Sovereign was tough but I made it through.

Choke on this:

Some crazy fat woman in the audience on RAW just yelled "I hope you choke on your own asshole" to Carlito after he annihilated Ric Flair. How does one choke on his or her own asshole? She must've felt very passionate about Ric Flair not getting his ass kicked. McMahon should just let this crazy fat woman fight Carlito in the next PPV. I think that would be way better than the stuff they've been doing. It's pretty sad when getting a peek at Mickie James' thong that's 3 sizes too small is the highlight of their show. Hey, Melina's thong ain't so bad either! They've come a long way from Bertha Faye vs. Bull Nakano. On the other hand, not much has changed since Cena beat Khali at Judgement day on Sunday in a very similar manner to his win against Umaga a few months ago. You know what would be a great match? The Great Khali vs. Giant Gonzalez and you might as well throw Bastion Booger into the fray come to think of it. He could be the special guest referee.

To Your Health: Update

On the news last night, Brian Williams reinforced what I was saying in the last blog. Lycopene which was always touted as being excellent for men in the fight against prostate cancer is now being reported as having no effect on it. With the amount of ketchup and tomato sauce that I take part in, that's good news. I'd rather lycopene have no effect than a negative effect.

To Your Health!

An article I read yesterday claims that taking multi-vitamins can cause prostate cancer. Well whaddya know? A supplement that was supposedly meant to improve our health is now detrimental to us? Next thing you know we'll probably be told to immediately cease the ingestion of water into our bodies because it's toxic or something. "This just in, STOP DRINKING WATER!" NO WAIT...DRINK MORE WATER! It's the healthiest thing for your body! All of these contradictory health reports are enough to make your eyes cross. Everyday in the news there is another claim about what you should or shouldn't do in order to maintain your health. With all of these conflicting stories there seems to be no right or wrong answer. The best bet is to keep a good balance and not to drive yourself crazy reading and watching every bit of news regarding your health. While you might save yourself in one way by learning about something you should cut back on, you'll be making yourself paranoid in the process and deteioriorating the one thing that you need more than anything...YOUR MIND!
As an example, I was always curious about the health benefits of beer. Some articles will tell you it's excellent for your body to have beer occasionally because of the B vitamins and the positive effect it has on your blood pressure and heart. Another article will tell you that the alcohol will help trigger cancer and the carbohydrates will give you a big fat pot belly. Wine has always been touted for it's antioxidants although it's extremely high in sugar. What's the deal? Can we live? I don't even want to hear what they say about Kool-Aid. Are there no pleasures in life anymore? There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Frequent masturbation may ward off prostate cancer, although I hear it also causes vision impairment.