Sunday, January 06, 2008

Gettin' Whoppy with NEW Whoppers

Nod if you've ever experienced Malt-Mouth which is the burning sensation you get inside your mouth after sucking on balls...not just any balls though...Malted Milk Balls. It's a rare occasion that I actually partake in any malted milk balls, but when I do it's usually the most popular brand, Whoppers.

If you're going for it you may as well enjoy the best in it's class. Think about it, what other malted milk ball comes in a carton? Anything that isn't milk that comes in a milk carton must be awesome. A candy needs to have a very positive self image and cannot be self conscious in any way in order to display itself on store shelves in a carton. People won't know what the hell it is. Is it a liquid candy? No silly it's a carton full of brown balls that you can suck on!

The candy world has been on a rampage lately with debuting new varieties of classic candies. I always think this is a mistake because the new varieties are never as good. Let's face it peanut butter M&M's are pretty bad and why do we need them when we can have the original Reese's pieces? They were good enough for E.T, right?

Whopper Strawberry Milkshake balls came out a few months back. Unfortunately these are light pink and sickeningly sweet. The flavor is pretty accurate but not only did I find that they had an aftertaste, but there were also too many "dud" balls. I'm not talking milk duds here...I'm talking about those bastard balls that weren't fully processed and taste like burnt corn syrup. If you attempt to bite into these hard, lame balls you'll see how gross they look. The original Whoppers beat this strawberry variety any day.

Coming up a close second are these new Reese's Peanut Butter Whoppers. The package enticed me while I was at the checkout counter. I'm so easily sold. The peanut butter variety has the same type of gimmick as the strawberry, only with a flavor more conducive to a malt ball. To make a candy that has been notoriously paired with chocolate forever into strawberry milkshake was a mistake. I was more impressed with the peanut butter but the original remains the best of the bunch. The peanut butter version has a creamy and accurate peanut butter flavor, but like the strawberry version, it's hard to eat a lot of them because they can easily make you want to vomit.

2 comments:

GG said...

I must agree with you although I lack the child-like enthusiasm you have to try something before dismissing it. That said, the classics are classic for a reason. The public loved the product just the way it was giving the manufacturer the staying power any new candy on the block would crave. As for your indulgence of strawberry malt balls, I think you're lucky they didn't make you sick! Ugh...

David W. said...

The packaging of Whoppers in the milk carton has always been a mild curiosity of mine. I've imagined some crazy guy picking it up, opening the carton, and attempting to chug it right there in the aisle of the store.

At times like this, I wish I was good friends with Steve-O.

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